Un-Balancing Act

You’re in a relationship for a long long time. You end it and vow to never date again. 2 years later you change your mind. Now what? There was a time not long ago that every guy I saw grossed me out. These were the after effects of a traumatic and abusive relationship in which my self worth was diminished and ability to trust anyone ever again nearly demolished. Well...apparently my libido has come out of hibernation and I’m suddenly objectifying almost every man I see... in my mind of course not in an outward disrespectful way. I live a fairly isolated life in a suburban community, working from home and spending most of my time with my family, rather than mixing and mingling with other singles. After all why would I position myself to mix and mingle when I was all but dead inside? Out of curiosity and lack of other options I hit up the App Store and downloaded all the swipeable things. Let the adventure begin. All swipes were to the left in the beginning. My stomach turned at the id...

The night trying too hard almost killed me. The evening started as a success. Thousands of dollars were being spent with each paddle's rise, benefitting a charter school on the island. On the microphone a local, well-liked politician energized the group with his beaming smile and rhythmic descriptions of items up for bid. Wine flowed endlessly, poured by the smiling staff hustling around the tent to ensure glasses remained full. Alcohol is a good fund-raising lubricant. The team of servers kept close watch on our table especially. At our table, their boss, my partner, was keeping close watch on the execution of this important evening. The auction ended and as we all dispersed from our seats to congratulate our table-neighbors on their winnings, my partner approached me quickly. His hand firmly grasped my empty arm (as the other was holding a wine glass) and he told me we were leaving. I was confused at first but as he began to describe the flaws in service he noted during the...

How long does it take before you can really say a person affected your life? Does it take one year, one decade, or just one hour? A few months ago I walked into the office of Suzette DeJarnette and in her first sentence I was affected. "Hello, I am Sharon Vaughn. How are you today?" I asked this question in my usual first-meeting, sales-girl voice. As she was to counsel me on my deepest thoughts and issues I naturally assumed the enthusiasm of her response would reflect all the happiness she wanted me to find following our time together. "I'm medium today,"  Suzette replied honestly and instantly informed me of her credibility. Though I enjoyed her honesty I also I admit to being nervous. In my new-found pursuit for authenticity, I feared I would not have the luxury of filtering myself to gain a favorable judgement from her. But it (and she) was all just what I needed. Our hours together were short and memorable. She was an original feminist, a straight shoote...

It was almost 4 months ago now. “The Breakup”. It felt life-shattering, irreversibly damaging, and as bad as any tragedy I had ever experienced. It was dramatic and traumatic. It was something out of a romance turned horror film. It started with a suspicion and ended on vacation. In a blur of nausea, starvation, and sobbing, I spent my last 48 hours in Puerto Vallarta in disbelief, thinking I might die of heartbreak. Four months later while I still feel a sense of loss (mainly of time) I also feel I have gained much more. Maybe it is what I re-gained. The opportunity to be me. The chance to smell roses and meander rather than constantly running. Regaining my self confidence, self control, self worth. Regaining my security. Rediscovering my love for the world and releasing my discontent. As a master of the “all or nothing” method of loving someone, I martyred myself for what I thought was the benefit of my relationship. I blinded myself from any possibility that it would not wor...

I've already admitted to being inconsistent. I can't stay on a diet, don't keep in touch with people, and live in a generally disorganized world of chaos. I like it that way. It's an emotional roller coaster that I simultaneously question and realize I create for myself. Sorry to all of the licensed psychologists that won't be getting my co-pay because that was just too easy for me to figure out on my own! Dare I put in black and white what I am feeling right now? For fear of dooming my mission and sabotaging my goal I have been careful not to say too much. In exactly one week I will embark on a 13.1 mile journey to a very important personal success. This will commemorate not only the emotional and physical challenges I will have overcome to reach this point but also the milestone (pun intended) of completion. I could be awarded with the title of "mom with most ideas and least follow through" or "writer with most unfinished blogs". This momen...

I am a glutton, and I flounder around the emotions of guilt and rebellion, not sure if I want to hate myself for eating a good portion of the french bread before it hits the table for dinner or love myself because the only reason I care is the fact that some people say white food is bad. It's quite a feeling when you know the bread is fresh, you open the package and just tear off one little end, and then a little more, dragging it along the softened butter on it's way to your mouth. I mean it's REALLY good. We aren't talking about crystal meth here, but I can not help myself. The same goes for my regular afternoon pig outs of cheese followed by the evening flow of wine steadily from my fridge to my glass. Just a little Chardonnay really softens the remains of the day! It really is ok, despite what any one resource tries to tell us, to just enjoy what you like. Certainly I don't love the idea of constantly working out and worrying if my pants fit or not - but when ...