Un-Balancing Act

How long does it take before you can really say a person affected your life? Does it take one year, one decade, or just one hour? A few months ago I walked into the office of Suzette DeJarnette and in her first sentence I was affected. "Hello, I am Sharon Vaughn. How are you today?" I asked this question in my usual first-meeting, sales-girl voice. As she was to counsel me on my deepest thoughts and issues I naturally assumed the enthusiasm of her response would reflect all the happiness she wanted me to find following our time together. "I'm medium today,"  Suzette replied honestly and instantly informed me of her credibility. Though I enjoyed her honesty I also I admit to being nervous. In my new-found pursuit for authenticity, I feared I would not have the luxury of filtering myself to gain a favorable judgement from her. But it (and she) was all just what I needed. Our hours together were short and memorable. She was an original feminist, a straight shoote

“...Authenticity can lead to life satisfaction, but...life satisfaction does not lead to authenticity.”  (From The Benefits of Being Yourself: An Examination of Authenticity, Uniqueness, and Well-Being by Abigail Mengers) My true identity has for years been protected by a carefully crafted armor. I believed it was protecting my sensitive feelings from judgement and ridicule, but this armor was really designed to protect me from my own self judgement. When decisions cannot be explained or justified, add another layer. When control over my own circumstances has been unwillingly relinquished, add another layer. But, when my heart was broken, a crack in this armor appeared. A pressure valve opened up and what started coming out from those cracks was only vaguely familiar to me. I started smiling at strangers again. I made and kept commitments to myself and my family. I reconnected with people I had long neglected for fear they would bust me on my inauthenticity.  While I blamed the n