Un-Balancing Act

Are we allowed, when things are sad or beautiful to express ourselves through tears? I wonder because I try so hard to swallow that feeling in most settings that when I arrive at those private moments when no audience is present it feels like a true release. It reminds me of children who act out and are told to use their words rather than being physical. Sometimes there are no words. Sometimes there is just a feeling and that feeling manifests itself as a well of emotion in one's throat, slowly radiating through the chest, sometimes to the stomach, swelling the heart and falling from one's eyes as a tear.

It's yet another cycle I go through, living in denial for things I don't care to deal with and then procrastinating until I have absolutely no choice but to do it. Usually it's a financial thing. I work pretty hard for my money and have done so since I was 15... The difference between now and then is that I am much cheaper and more reluctant to let my money go. Of course now I have actual responsibilities and not just a pair of gap jeans calling my name. But this isn't just about money. It's about laundry, dishes, ordering a new remote when my guy throws the old one out the window in a fit of rage, and this morning it is about packing. I hate leaving my family for work trips. I admit there's a certain something that seems fun a first: interacting with other adults, dining, exploring and networking. But really it's just me leaving them to it on their own unable to micromanage the day to day in our house. So I check my flight schedule. It's about eight h