Consider It Handled.

It finally happened. I was just foreshadowing a conversation with someone, anticipating the person asking me how I've been and perhaps answering, "I've had a lot of shit going on." It was that statement that caused a lump to rise in my throat. In truth, yes I have had a lot of shit going on. But I handled those things like a champ. Sure I had the momentary meltdowns involving a day in bed and too much wine... But I got up and handled business one thing at a time until I conquered those challenges.

Maybe I am quick to respond with the tale of woe because I normally have a hard time patting myself on the back. It's not often in any situation that I allow myself to reflect on positive results that were solely achieved by my own actions. I think it's time for me to respond more realistically - "there's nothing I can't handle!" Or maybe "real life has its challenges but I'm blessed with the fortitude to conquer them!"

I will probably just stick with an "Awesome, thanks how about you?" or something like that. But it sure feels good to know that for the most part, I control that lump in my throat.

"A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it." -Oscar Wilde

The night trying too hard almost killed me. The evening started as a success. Thousands of dollars were being spent with each paddle's rise, benefitting a charter school on the island. On the microphone a local, well-liked politician energized the group with his beaming smile and rhythmic descriptions of items up for bid. Wine flowed endlessly, poured by the smiling staff hustling around the tent to ensure glasses remained full. Alcohol is a good fund-raising lubricant. The team of servers kept close watch on our table especially. At our table, their boss, my partner, was keeping close watch on the execution of this important evening. The auction ended and as we all dispersed from our seats to congratulate our table-neighbors on their winnings, my partner approached me quickly. His hand firmly grasped my empty arm (as the other was holding a wine glass) and he told me we were leaving. I was confused at first but as he began to describe the flaws in service he noted during the...

Reach and ye shall find

A week ago I was wavering. I felt like giving up. The practicing of what I was preaching was getting harder. It's not like me to reach out for support, or to make "cries for help" but that's what it finally took for me to keep going. Four days off from running was translated as a sign that I was just done. Maybe the luster was lost and I did what I came to do - so hang up the special foam sneakers and stop making the athletic section the first stop in the department store. It's over. But somewhere in my guts between my heart and my stomach there was still this little twinkle. It was like a little seed of adrenaline remained trying to keep the greater flame alive. But I needed more. So what does any self respecting person do these days when they need a platform to out themselves of whatever shameful thing they can't bare to speak aloud: post it to facebook! One of the few colleagues I happen to be connected with on Facebook answered my call via an email. I...

When I Forget

There's a running joke in my house, one maybe only I find funny despite the truth behind it. I take photos of my dogs and food and treetops and child. I change my Facebook status when something comes to mind. I sometimes tweet and sometimes Instagram... And I write this secret blog. I tell my family that I want to be able to look back someday when I forget everything, and see & read those moments I once found worthy of documenting. It can be as normal as a trip to the farmers market. The point is that I see this in my future, forgetting, and I want to be able to feel the normal perfect silly things that filled my daily life. I've forgotten things on purpose. I've forgotten things accidentally. I have felt ashamed and spiteful. I don't know how I will feel once I really do begin forgetting. Maybe there is something I can do to prevent it though I see it as inevitable. Until then I will continue to fill my activity log with the passing thoughts and likes and ...

Un-Balancing Act

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