Hot to Turkey-Trot

I am celebrating a major accomplishment. All of my life I have struggled with completion. College, marriage, books, blogs.... lots of stuff. I have just reached one of the first completion milestones of my life! There are pros and cons to this statement. The pros are the sense of accomplishment, pride, and satisfaction. The con is the realization that this accomplishment took less than 31 minutes. I like to focus on the positive and see this as me turning over a new leaf in adulthood.

Last week I reached a goal associated with my new running habit. After many tries, showing up to races and leaving before the gun, running and walking, stopping and starting... I did it: 5K on Thanksgiving morning. It's not a marathon, it's not a triathlon... why do I do that? Why do I stop patting myself in the back only to give myself a lashing for no good reason. I don't suppose I need a trophy simply because I woke up this morning and wasn't a total lazy ass, but where is the fine line between self deprecation and self recognition? How can I be proud of myself and share that pride without being the annoying girl I hate?

OK that will take more than a day for me to answer, but I am tickled. I am so happy that I have reached one goal I only hope it does not deter me from my next. I hope this accomplishment however large or small inspires me to do more rather than grows my fear of failure. Not sure what is next but at least I know now that I CAN finish something!!

Pat on the back

It means a great deal to me when I hear another mother say how hard things are, how tired she is, or how overextended the family schedule has become. There's a feeling of kinship knowing I am not the only one that doesn't have it all "together". Still, though, it somehow makes me question my own resolve. They have more kids then me - of course they are tired! They commute to work each day, no wonder they struggle to get a great dinner on the table. All those sports they tote the kids around to must be exhausting! What's my excuse? I have one child, work from home, have very few responsibilities that require my time away from my family.... I must be lazy right? Why is it that one moment I can take pride in an accomplishment but in the next split second feel a deep sense of inadequacy? Was I trained this way? Is this something else I should blame on my mother? My commitment to myself this week will be to relish in my accomplishments. Whether it is making a great d...

"A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it." -Oscar Wilde

The night trying too hard almost killed me. The evening started as a success. Thousands of dollars were being spent with each paddle's rise, benefitting a charter school on the island. On the microphone a local, well-liked politician energized the group with his beaming smile and rhythmic descriptions of items up for bid. Wine flowed endlessly, poured by the smiling staff hustling around the tent to ensure glasses remained full. Alcohol is a good fund-raising lubricant. The team of servers kept close watch on our table especially. At our table, their boss, my partner, was keeping close watch on the execution of this important evening. The auction ended and as we all dispersed from our seats to congratulate our table-neighbors on their winnings, my partner approached me quickly. His hand firmly grasped my empty arm (as the other was holding a wine glass) and he told me we were leaving. I was confused at first but as he began to describe the flaws in service he noted during the...

Reach and ye shall find

A week ago I was wavering. I felt like giving up. The practicing of what I was preaching was getting harder. It's not like me to reach out for support, or to make "cries for help" but that's what it finally took for me to keep going. Four days off from running was translated as a sign that I was just done. Maybe the luster was lost and I did what I came to do - so hang up the special foam sneakers and stop making the athletic section the first stop in the department store. It's over. But somewhere in my guts between my heart and my stomach there was still this little twinkle. It was like a little seed of adrenaline remained trying to keep the greater flame alive. But I needed more. So what does any self respecting person do these days when they need a platform to out themselves of whatever shameful thing they can't bare to speak aloud: post it to facebook! One of the few colleagues I happen to be connected with on Facebook answered my call via an email. I...

Un-Balancing Act

Search This Blog