A week ago I was wavering. I felt like giving up. The practicing of what I was preaching was getting harder. It's not like me to reach out for support, or to make "cries for help" but that's what it finally took for me to keep going.
Four days off from running was translated as a sign that I was just done. Maybe the luster was lost and I did what I came to do - so hang up the special foam sneakers and stop making the athletic section the first stop in the department store. It's over. But somewhere in my guts between my heart and my stomach there was still this little twinkle. It was like a little seed of adrenaline remained trying to keep the greater flame alive. But I needed more. So what does any self respecting person do these days when they need a platform to out themselves of whatever shameful thing they can't bare to speak aloud: post it to facebook!
One of the few colleagues I happen to be connected with on Facebook answered my call via an email. It's so foreign to me, exposing myself, admitting a weakness in any other form than comical self deprecation. This was real and I felt vulnerable but better. And this sweet girl, whom due to my telecommuting status I have never had the chance to break bread with or have any level of personal conversation, helped me sow that seed that was itching in my gut and respark my own motivation.
Is it about running, or health, or lifestyle, or just maintaining SOME sort of consistency in a lifetime that has been riddled with undulating hills of doubt and false confidence? The latter. With the trials I've faced helping my child recover from his own difficult challenges, I have realized that my own examples were more hipocracy and less the gleaming show of strength and persistence I often spew at him to exercise. I set out to be the person I want him to see inside and out. I laced up to be the woman who will set the bar for all women in his life. I ran to try to make the desire I have to be good big enough to become contagious.
Getting back on the road after those 4 days and that moment of doubt was more rewarding than I expected it to be. But pursuant to the advice I received following my cry for help, I needed a new goal, and balance! What is my next step? Dare I make a commitment that involves the things I fear? Failure, Quitting, Embarrassment? There is no registration fee for the race I am running but I visualize the people I want to make proud waiting at the finish line each time and my heart swells, because I know if I allowed them to see me this way they would be extremely proud and supportive. I hope between now and Christmas I can keep this smile pasted on my face, and this fire burning while I try to increase my distance to 21k.
Not that I will ever become that person that puts myself out there all of the time, but I am so glad I did this time!
Four days off from running was translated as a sign that I was just done. Maybe the luster was lost and I did what I came to do - so hang up the special foam sneakers and stop making the athletic section the first stop in the department store. It's over. But somewhere in my guts between my heart and my stomach there was still this little twinkle. It was like a little seed of adrenaline remained trying to keep the greater flame alive. But I needed more. So what does any self respecting person do these days when they need a platform to out themselves of whatever shameful thing they can't bare to speak aloud: post it to facebook!
One of the few colleagues I happen to be connected with on Facebook answered my call via an email. It's so foreign to me, exposing myself, admitting a weakness in any other form than comical self deprecation. This was real and I felt vulnerable but better. And this sweet girl, whom due to my telecommuting status I have never had the chance to break bread with or have any level of personal conversation, helped me sow that seed that was itching in my gut and respark my own motivation.
Is it about running, or health, or lifestyle, or just maintaining SOME sort of consistency in a lifetime that has been riddled with undulating hills of doubt and false confidence? The latter. With the trials I've faced helping my child recover from his own difficult challenges, I have realized that my own examples were more hipocracy and less the gleaming show of strength and persistence I often spew at him to exercise. I set out to be the person I want him to see inside and out. I laced up to be the woman who will set the bar for all women in his life. I ran to try to make the desire I have to be good big enough to become contagious.
Getting back on the road after those 4 days and that moment of doubt was more rewarding than I expected it to be. But pursuant to the advice I received following my cry for help, I needed a new goal, and balance! What is my next step? Dare I make a commitment that involves the things I fear? Failure, Quitting, Embarrassment? There is no registration fee for the race I am running but I visualize the people I want to make proud waiting at the finish line each time and my heart swells, because I know if I allowed them to see me this way they would be extremely proud and supportive. I hope between now and Christmas I can keep this smile pasted on my face, and this fire burning while I try to increase my distance to 21k.
Not that I will ever become that person that puts myself out there all of the time, but I am so glad I did this time!