The Someday List 1.26.12

I read a great statement today about "Someday", said with the intention of motivating people to remove things from the someday list and assign an actual date to them. Someday I will go to Japan. Someday I will write a book. Someday I will sing the National Anthem at a sporting event.... stuff like that. So it got me thinking about the little someday things. Being that my new thing is to accomplish tasks, complete things without over committing, etc.... I wanted to start with some realistic things. Someday I will start saying what's on my mind... Done! Someday I will get organized and throw away the JUNK... Done! Someday I will be an active member in my child's education... Done! Already I feel productive...I was saying that I really like life changes and it is exactly that which has motivated me to turn my "somedays" into assigned goals and although it is not always effortless, it feels amazing. My heart went from being broken to healing stronger. Maybe it's the scar tissue that is moving me forward but I have always believed in using pain as a motivator.

"A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it." -Oscar Wilde

The night trying too hard almost killed me. The evening started as a success. Thousands of dollars were being spent with each paddle's rise, benefitting a charter school on the island. On the microphone a local, well-liked politician energized the group with his beaming smile and rhythmic descriptions of items up for bid. Wine flowed endlessly, poured by the smiling staff hustling around the tent to ensure glasses remained full. Alcohol is a good fund-raising lubricant. The team of servers kept close watch on our table especially. At our table, their boss, my partner, was keeping close watch on the execution of this important evening. The auction ended and as we all dispersed from our seats to congratulate our table-neighbors on their winnings, my partner approached me quickly. His hand firmly grasped my empty arm (as the other was holding a wine glass) and he told me we were leaving. I was confused at first but as he began to describe the flaws in service he noted during the...

Reach and ye shall find

A week ago I was wavering. I felt like giving up. The practicing of what I was preaching was getting harder. It's not like me to reach out for support, or to make "cries for help" but that's what it finally took for me to keep going. Four days off from running was translated as a sign that I was just done. Maybe the luster was lost and I did what I came to do - so hang up the special foam sneakers and stop making the athletic section the first stop in the department store. It's over. But somewhere in my guts between my heart and my stomach there was still this little twinkle. It was like a little seed of adrenaline remained trying to keep the greater flame alive. But I needed more. So what does any self respecting person do these days when they need a platform to out themselves of whatever shameful thing they can't bare to speak aloud: post it to facebook! One of the few colleagues I happen to be connected with on Facebook answered my call via an email. I...

When I Forget

There's a running joke in my house, one maybe only I find funny despite the truth behind it. I take photos of my dogs and food and treetops and child. I change my Facebook status when something comes to mind. I sometimes tweet and sometimes Instagram... And I write this secret blog. I tell my family that I want to be able to look back someday when I forget everything, and see & read those moments I once found worthy of documenting. It can be as normal as a trip to the farmers market. The point is that I see this in my future, forgetting, and I want to be able to feel the normal perfect silly things that filled my daily life. I've forgotten things on purpose. I've forgotten things accidentally. I have felt ashamed and spiteful. I don't know how I will feel once I really do begin forgetting. Maybe there is something I can do to prevent it though I see it as inevitable. Until then I will continue to fill my activity log with the passing thoughts and likes and ...

Un-Balancing Act

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